Am I a pessimist?

I don’t know. Maybe.

I can be. At times. For sure. I do feel like a lot of my life is spent expecting for the next of my life to be sad, bad, or disappointing to my self and those I care about.

Which is not a bad thing. I feel like, having rather pessimistic tendencies keeps me in a state or status of either been correct or wonderfully surprised and excited.

It’s easy to feel optimistic or feel like you’re optimistic when things surprise and excite you, when you feel like you have not been a disappointment to yourself and those you care about.

Know what I mean, Vern?

I am very rarely disappointed by people in my life for two reasons.

One because the people that are close to me are amazing and two everyone I I never expect anything from anyone so I’m very rarely disappointed by people.

I feel like I use the phrase “I feel like” too much.

Also, I feel like I’m more prepared for tough situations because I am pessimistic. Kinda like a pessimism/prudentism… ugh…. thing. Although! I feel like I’m sill not emotionally…. like I still don’t take disappointment well nor do I deal well emotionally with sad situations. However because of pessimism I do, do well with stress and bad situations. I’m weird.

I am a great person to talk to… well anytime time, but what I was going to say was I am a great person to talk to when you’re down. I think or I don’t know rather if that has to do with my pessimistic side of my personality.

It’s not easy for me to be happy. Actually we have talked before, in the past, about how it is an impossibility to just be happy, for me anyway. With my specific concoction of conditions I have to fight and really work at it to be happy. However I pride my self on being a rather strong fighter. Not all the time. But I have a tool set I developed with my therapist and slight pessimism is a part of that.

Also because the pessimistic side of me has been with me and recognizes the lowest of the low points in my life I FEEL LIKE I can now more severely appreciate the high points.

Thank you so much for taking the time to read my thoughts, even as distracted and attention deficted as they are. I truly do appreciate it and I hope you got something out of it wether it be good or bad. If it is so bad you have a need to let me know feel free to send you angered words to TheDepartmemtOfComplaints@gmail.com
As always it is very important to me that this particular blog does not comes across as a editorial of any kind and for it to be more of a stream of consciousness and as such there is zero editing if mistakes are made they are left for your enjoyment, or torture as it were.

I am not a mental health professional. Please seek out professional help should you find your self in the need. 

Love,

Noah