I’ve been suffering a lot lately, at my own expense and cause. A series of most disheartening events came my way and I was not the man I should have been. I did not defend my self like I know I can and should. I let depression and overwhelming anxiety take over me. I failed. I failed hard. I over ate. I let the darkness fully invelop and cloud everything about me to the point where I merely sat and wallard in despair and desolation. It wasn’t until I got some good news from a production company that I was able to recognize my failure to heed the warning signs. 

   But now I’m back! Or well on the incline anyway. I know I can’t be happy, but my level of contentment is beginning to even out at a level that I can live with and get back to making others happy. 

   I want to thank and apologies to those who wrote to me concerned about my posts. Some times the hardest advice to swallow is that of our own. I’m working on getting back to where I was and will hopefully have some better or less dark writing coming y’all’s way. Not that dark is a bad thing but the place I was, was too dark. That begin said I’m only taking down one post because I fear it may hender others with depression and lead them in a way they shouldn’t be lead. The others I will leave for y’all to read at your leisure. 

As always thanks so much for reading!

I am not a mental health professional if you do need or even feel like you need help please reach out to (212) 673-3000 a free hotline if you need to talk. 




The only thing I succeed at is failing.

The only thing I succeed at is failing.

I’ve had a huge run of less than optimaly favorable experiences in the past several hours. I’ve had two producers call and tell me they are passing on Closed On Sunday’s. Had a manger at Benderspink back out of representation because he signed a more promising filmmaker and wanted to focus his energy on her. (Which great for her I would never want some one to not succeed because of me.) But dog gone it I could really use some ups, some positives, some good or even just some semblance of happy or more than depressing moments right now. I keep missing my swings and/or falling short as it worth. I don’t think I will ever amount to anything. At least that is not how things are looking nor have my entire life. People coach that failure is just a learning experience. Well I’ve learned enough! All I have left to learn and accept is that I, as in my self am a failure or the failure rather ant all the instances. Right now I’ve just come to the realization that my life’s contentment consist of the time spent between failures and that is just the most depressing thing I’ve ever heard, much less realized about myself. 

I’m doing my best to be as positive and continue to do my best. According to “P.S. I love you” I’m not supose to have any time to worry about failure! But that is not the case! I am a person and these are events but I’m at a point where I believe both are failures. I’ve always worked off and tried to help my self by telling my self that the events in my life are occurrences of failure and that I’m not the failure. But if I smell like failure, look like failure and I’m pretty sure a canibal would tell me I taste like it … I must be a duck right? If all signs point toward it and I can’t tell if it’s just another defeat or the last one shouldn’t it just be that? I suck. Maybe I deserve it for something I’m completely ignorant to. I do not fear mistakes, I’m actually quite familiar with them. However I do fear failing at life in life, I fear being known as a failure and dying as the failure I am right now. 

I know that I’m suppose to say that I can’t give up because that is a sure way to fail, that I should learn and grow from this experience. But the truth is right now, right here where my head and emotional space is I can not and do not see it. I can not see why a man my age should still be plugging along grasping at straws. Granted Im not saying I should have made it big by now. However I should have some form of traction towards success in at least one area of my life. I want a family of my own, a career I am proud of and contentment since happiness is not an option for me. Apparently all three are slowly becoming unachievable for me. Sometimes as exercise I ask people who are depressed to ask themselves why they are alive. I don’t know that I will ever do that again. Whereas it has heeled me pick my self up and move forward so many times in the past I fear what my answer would be shops I be asked right now. I don’t know if I can’t take it anymore or if I simply just don’t want to.

 I am not a mental health professional if you do need or even feel like you need help please reach out to (212) 673-3000 a free hotline if you need to talk.   

Words are hard


I know you’ve heard the confusion around “Why do we drive on a parkway and park on a driveway?” But the debacling  conundrum goes even further. (Yes I know debacling isn’t a word) 


Why do we call a situation where the out come your desire has a very slim opourinity of actually happening a fat chance?


Why do we not have a Singular Gender-Neutral Pronoun? (Think about it) Nor do we have a plural form of the word you which is very unintelligent.


How come we trust our financials to a broker?


Why is it that the word hyphenated is not hyphenated but the word non-hyphenated is?


If horrific is a form of horrible then shouldn’t terrific be one of terrible?


Why does “overlook” mean to miss something and to “oversee” means to observe and supervise? (“How could you overlook this I told you look over it carefully! I’ll have to get someone else to oversee this now!”)


The number 22 is pronounced twenty two but 11 is eleven. (Although onety one sounds weird)


There are 1,025,110 words in the English language.

967 of those words contain a “I” and a “E” right next to one another.

Supposedly the language has a rule that the “I” must come before the “E” with the clause of except after “C”.

Of those 967 instances 44 of those words actually follow the rule.

So 4% of the time our language actually follows the rule.


If some one asks if you are down with something they are actually asking if you can put up with it.


When your alarm clock goes off you wake up and turn it off?


How come if you take an item put it in a box and send it across the United States in a car the box called a shipment but if you take the same item and put it in the same box then send it across the ocean on a ship it’s called cargo?


All together means everyone or everything together whilst Altogether is an adverb meaning cumulatively everything.


Why do we call the night time when its dark after dark? Shouldn’t that be in the light the next morning?


Why are the bleachers for spectators to sit on called stands?


If you cook a strip of pig meat in pan it’s called Bacon, but if you bake a piece of dough in the oven it’s called a cookie. 


Monosyllabic is a five syalable word describing words with one syalable and Hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobia  is the fear of long words.  No need to explain further.


A grapenut is neither a grape nor a nut!


When traveling a man packs his dress suits in something called a garmet bag while any one else packing actual garments pack then in a suitcase… I digress.
Send complaints and compliments to
Keep in mind it is important to me that these entries be more of a stream of consciousness and not and editorial, as such no edits or corrections are ever made.
Thank you so much for reading and I hope you have a wonderful day-


” I’m terrified. I’m terrified and terrorized by a thought. It’s hard to explain how just a thought, a possibility or a maybe can be so simultaneously devastating and fearsomely troubling. I’m scared because I do not believe that any one can nor will ever make me feel the way you made me feel about life, myself and you.”   

~an excerpt from my novel, “Leh Car”.

Nice guys finish last

Nice guys finish last

   I have a huge problem with this sentiment. In part because of the social definition or acceptance of what a “nice guy” is. Another part is the connotation that this expression applies to all so called “nice guy”s. Finally- because everything is better in threes– what it means to finish last. 

   I am a nice guy. I don’t know a lot (beat) but I know this to be true. Of the few constants, in this emotional wreck of a life of mine, being a nice guy is the most prevalent truth. It’s who I am at the core and all the way through to the crest. As much of a self loather as I am the one thing that I can not discount about my self is that I am a nice guy. 

   There are a lot of guys, in this world we call our own, who feign under the label of a nice guy, who are in fact not. I often hear the complaint that, “I don’t have a girlfriend or I can’t find love, girls don’t like me because I’m a nice guy.” Or some variation of that sentiment. I will agree that a number of truly nice guys suffer from exclusion of affection because of how odd and out of the norm a truly nice guy is in our society. Through some sort of happenings some women are put under the impression that being treated poorly is a sign of affection and caring from a guy. (I realize I am a man and have no postion to speak for all women by any means) you can read more about this dilemma here. But basically nice guys striving to be a gentleman can come off as creepy and out of the ordinary and thus purged of the opportunity to cultivate a relationship. 

   This is what bothers me the most about all of this. The poser nice guy, the guy who operates under the label of nice guy blaming his lack of affection, intimacy and love because he is a nice guy. (Again that does happen but not as often) if you claim to be a nice guy and suffer a passion void life because of this and let’s say you give a young lady a ride home from a party, buy her a meal, or do any other perceivably nice thing for some one because you want to have sex with them… 

You are not a nice guy!  

You are a horrible human being, you make me sick and you are one of the reasons some nice guys finish last”. If you then treat said person badly, spread this an altered version of the truth around, or make her feel bad for not returning to you the same feelings… you deserves a slow and painful death in front of your loved ones. Also you are not a nice guy.

I personally know of four female friends who have emparted memories to me that were 100% rape, by all accounts. All four have said, “well he was a nice guy….”. This is so sickeningly sad for many reasons. Not only is it bad that these guys are viewed as nice guys but the four women I am referring to still look back st these events as if they aren’t that bad and the predators can go on living life like defilement didn’t occur. 

You have the right to set boundaries!

You are allowed to express these boundaries!

You are allowed to defend these boundaries!

You are allowed to eliminate those who do not respect these boundaries from your life, and as far as I am concerned, the face of the earth!

So what is a nice guy?

   To give with out the thought of reward, treating others pleasantly no matter what and respecting others wishes are what makes a “nice guy” or person rather. I think you need to find joy in the thankfulness of others in order to be a nice guy. 

   As I said earlier not all nice guys finish last. What I mean by that is for the most part nice guys aren’t finished. A nice guy does not stop being nice. Some nice guys end up in loving happy places. Some nice guys end up self loathing, self deprecating awkward guys who will never achieve love and happiness. And the rest of nice guys live some where inbetween like every other sub group out there. 

   Finally what does it mean to finish last? Does that mean your the last one in and all the “goodens” are already taken? Does that mean you lost what ever the situation was because you were nice or fair? What ever you decide it means to finish last know that it can never be solely because you are a nice guy.

   If your worried about finishing last that means you haven’t finished! Keep going, work harder. Weather that means working on your self or working to find some one to finish with. Because in the end that’s all that matters. What we did while we ran and how we finished. As I’ve said before every morning you should wake up with the intention that, that day you are going to do something that your future self will thank you for and possibly your future partner. Don’t forget what Charlie Brown said, “In life it’s not where you go- it’s who goes with you”.

Then he stepped off of his soap box.

To be honest I have no idea what I am talking about and for all I know I could be an estranged old man walking around the sanitarium, naked, mutter what he thinks to be… advice and wise tales.

   As always I am not a mental health professional or a relationship specialist. These are simply my findings from life and my hope is that you can take something positive away from it or maybe a new point of view. If you hated it so much and you feel the need to let me know how awful it was or I am please feel free to email me at 

Keep in mind it is important to me that these entries be more of a stream of consciousness and not and editorial, as such no edits or corrections are ever made. 

Thank you so much for reading and I hope you have a wonderful day-




Covering the spread

Covering the spread

   If you were hoping for sportsball talk… You know nothing about me. What I want to talk about today is relationship compatibility and personal value. Society uses a number of gauging and rating systems for such matters. Some use playing cards (“now there’s an ace or a royal flush”), some car manufacturers (“that guy/girl is an Aston Martin”), most commonly used it the number scale of one to ten (sometimes a perfect ten is referred to as a dime). 

   According to the unofficial rules of compatibility you should stay within one to two degrees of your own level. Meaning if you are a seven then you should strive to date or pursue no higher nine and no lower than a five (checked with my calculator to make sure my math was right ). It is implied that if you go higher than that you are doomed to fail, as they are too far out of your league as it were and if you go lower than that you are reaching too low and will be disappointed. I was informed that I was a strong two with a one point upgrade because I was such a nice guy and a gentlemen at age nineteen by a girl who was breaking up with me. To this day I still believe she overrated me. I also would like to take this time to go on a tangent about nice guys or the concept of being a nice guy. However that will be very long winded and we wouldn’t get back around to the point of this entry for awhile so I will write that later and put a link to it here.

   Covering the spread between your number or level and someone you are interested in on a much higher level or number is talked about in many different forums, books, movies and alike. In the film “She’s out of my league” the entire movie they debate the number system. In the movie “My best friend’s girl” they reference a new system they have come up with involving letters, which I still don’t totally understand. In the film “Titanic” DiCaprio’s character talks about a woman he knew and sketched who would Coke to the same bar every night wearing every piece of jewellery she owned hoping to attract a man.

   I wonder what exactly all goes into your number, level or rating? Is it just simply your looks? Physically are you in shape? Do you posses the qualities society deems as physically attractive? Do you have a pleasant personality? Good money, cars, a home? Are there corrections and alterations with each factor? Are you given a base value based solely on the “Cover of your book” (metaphorically speaking) and then you are deducted points for physical shortcomings and poor personality traits? Or given points for positive qualities?

   I know there are people out there who believe that you should never date somebody who is not as attractive as you are or more attractive than you are. I know People who believe you should only date someone who is more attractive than you if you have a good, healthy ego because if  you love yourself and believe you’re attractive- I envy you-, don’t believe that looks are very important,  don’t get paranoid and jealous easily then, then and only then should you do so.(he said wishing he could add another “then” some how to the last sentence) Personally I think each case is different and subject to its own merits. 

I think that the only reason you should be in a relationship with somebody is because you believe that you and your partner should be happy.

   And I don’t believe that you have be 100% compatible with somebody in order to have a happy and successful relationship with them. I feel like-I know we as Americans use the term or the phrase “I feel like” way too much however – I feel like if you truly care for somebody in a way that you can’t explain or put into words then you’re willing to work with their quirks, their idiosyncrasies and their flaws. 

   Of course that being said there is probably several areas that should be within the realm of close to being compatible. 1- One of those been faith and spirituality. Most of the time who we are as a person starts with our faith and our spirituality. If you have a belief system or or a foundation in something that is so important to you, you would want for that same foundation to be the same or similar in someone that you want to call your partner. 2- Intimacy. People differ on how comfortable they are with different levels of intimacy and it’s important that you and your partner are comfortable  with the level of intimacy that you share with each other. People have many different ways they choose to be intimate with another person and thus it’s important that both people in the relationship are open to communicating their likes and dislikes when it comes to such things. Ignorant discomfort can be the quickest and most unexpected death to another wise lovely relationship. 3- Life tempo and prioritisation. People live life at different speeds some people like to be fast and loud and constantly on the go and always experiencing new things constantly and living life like they shouldn’t sleep or rest until they are dead, (some people like to use way too many “and”s in a sentence) where as others choose to live a more relaxed and leisurely life taking time to enjoy each moment. There are also many levels inbetween or if you are as messed up as I am your both at the same time. It is important that you and your partner at least similar in this regard because making yourself live a certain way or at a certain speed always different priorities then are you home because you want to be with someone will ultimately make you very unhappy and possibly come to resent the person you’re in a relationship with. Then I’m sure there is probably much more and if I were more intelligent person I could think of them. But covering the spread could simply mean in some cases that you have to learn to accept your partner as they are and work with them in a way that keep you both happy. I fear and believe that I myself might be to screwed up, off centre, and flawed that I could never make anyone happy in all sincerity because it’s impossible for me to make myself happy first.

   I think that despite any kind of rating system and compatibility, if you find a partner who makes you happy and thus feel whole… Then together you are a ten. If their negatives get filled by your positives and Vice versa putting the two of you together like a puzzle creates a much more perfect being, if you will. Maybe you aren’t ready to meet that person yet. If that’s the case every morning you should try to do something your future partner will thank you for one day. But I’ve been wrong before… It was in the third grade. 

Thank you so much for reading and I hope you got something out of it. As always I am not a mental health professional by any means. Also I am not a relationship guru whatsoever. Should you desire to inform me of your opinion whether it be of a negative or positive connotation feel free to email me at . I am in the midst of finishing my first novel and you should look forward to hearing more about that at a later date. 
I am not a mental health professional if you do need or even feel like you need help please reach out to (212) 673-3000 a free hotline if you need to talk. 

The above is a picture of a very unhealthy dinner that was amazing! Buffalo wings and fried pickles but they were white dill spears not chips! This, except that horrible white substance they call ranch was eaten at

Dublin Street Pub

 1745 E University Ave

Las Cruces, New Mexico


United States




I don’t do well with heartbreak and letting other people down. To me there is no worse or lower of a feeling. Atelophobia makes it that much worse for me. I have a constantly feeling that I’m a disappointing failure and a let down to for everyone who cares about me. I get disappointed in my self on a daily basis. I am easily excitable and get my hopes up for the improbable more often than not.  

   But how do you handle it?

1- Adulting is for the birds and children…

Let your irrational side have its go at expressing. It is going to happen and it is best to let it happen at a time where you are in control of the environment. If you are going to cry and wail, throw a temper tantrum, paint by tossing paint on a canvass, exercise, what ever it is you need to do, you need to do it. Children get over situational disappointment and upset by throwing temper tantrums and then they get over it. You need to let your inner child throw a tantrum so it can get over it and then so can you. 

2- Pattern your self in getting over it.

This is fundamental (in my experience) to getting over disappointment. Humans are very habitual and as such we self condition our selves into what becomes our personalities, our idiosyncrasies and most importantly our superfluities. What you need to do (and again this is a lifestyle alteration which means it’s going to take a while) is pattern yourself into accepting disappointment for what it is… a disapointment not an emotionally, overwhelming   ineluctable  stopping point. When we condition ourselves to not deal with disapointment or deal with it in a unhealthy manner we set our selves up for failure and continued disapointment creating s vicious cycle  of bad feels. Disapointment is a part of life and not instant death and as such it should be used as a learning and growing experience. Manage your emotions and don’t take it personally.

3- Self realization 

The ability to self-reflect is (in my opinion) a great sign good mental health. Take some time to explore what is happening to you and how you expect to react. After learning enough about your self and your reactions to stimuli you learn to manage how you react to everything including disapointment and that is an amazing breakthrough. Talking to a therapist or an individual  who really listens having your best interest and happiness at heart is wildly helpful. Sometimes just hearing you tell someone how you feel about it things is all you need to lock into self awareness. Know that grief comes in waves. The more cognizant you are of you and your situation the better you will handle it.


I hope this was was helpful if not and you feel the need to tell me how much of a disapointment I am you can always email me at .


Anxiety attacks through Anxiety attacks.

Today I had an anxiety attack brought on by a an acute wave of severe depression. I went from waking up with this sincere impression that I and my life were both failures to coming very close to killing my self (unintentionally). Which to be honest is more of a norm in my life than any other way of waking up, however it was just an elevated or more effective eagre of depression. I told my self that I wouldn’t let it win and went along with my day as usual I went to my favourite place to write and also serves amazing breakfast tacos. Literally every thought I had be van to pattern its self and end with, “why? what does it even matter? No one who matters will ever care! Wouldn’t be easier to not try and amount to anything than to fail at surmounting to be anything…” I just couldn’t shake it. So I got nothing done and had to repeatedly tell the server that I was okay even though I had tear stained cheeks and could barely talk. I paid for the uneaten meal including a $5 tip and left. I was walking in a haze each step felt like it was springy as if I were in moon boots or gravity shoes. Then on my way home it really set in. Like there was a very heavy demon siting on my chest preventing me from breathing and viciously torturing me emotionally. It doesn’t help that I was driving a six speed in traffic. If there was ever a list of the top ten worst places (mental note to write one) working a clutch in 6 lanes of traffic would be on it. I put my hazards on and began to work my way insanely slowly over to the side of the highway.  By this point I had lost all my senses except sight which was still clouded and narrowing. Once I was there I opened my door and fell out gasping for breath and praying for it to end. My legs started to feel weird. They started to feel weird because I didn’t pull the parking break and my flailing foot must have knock the stick shift out of gear so my car was beginning to roll away. I rolled my head over to look back to see my hand millimetres away from my back tire (which in my head resembled the huge rolling Boulder from Indiana Jones) I can literally remember the stream of consciousness that said, “boy I sure hope I can move my hand out of the way in time”. I yanked my hand out of the way sat up at my waist lunged forward and grabbed the steering wheel and yanked as hard as I could to pull my fat ass back into the cab and succeeded only in slamming my forehead into the frame of the open door. I fell back and smacked my head on the pavement for the second time and tried my best to will my car to stop. Which as most ventures in my life failed miserably. By now my car had rolled a good yard away from me so that my feet were by the rear tire . I put my foot on the tire with the hopes of stoping it like a brake but succeeded in only pushing it away. I put my foot up behind my bumper and got it to merely slow down a bit. I sat up and finely stood but leaned on the trunk which pushed it forward again. I then ran around to the driver side to dive in and in mid air my car gently bumped into a telephone pole which altered my planed trajectory so I basically just lept into the console of my car slamming my head into the passenger car door and for now… no reason. I pulled the parking break out of sheer aggravation and opened my passenger door then tucked and rolled out that side of my car onto that part of the road that is pavement partially covered by grass and cried without the ability to hear how loud I was. I finally  rolled my self up then turned around and sat with my back to the back door of the passenger side of my car and pulled my knees up to my chest. Something moved out of right side of my peripheral vision which caused me to flinch and almost give my self whiplash only to focus my vision on a small Hispanic lady who pulled over to help and holding the hands of her twin daughters. ( I think they were twins but for all I know none of them might not have existed at all. ) she was waving to get my attention and I assume asking if I needed help. I tried to yell out that I was fine. I don’t know what noise came out but she pulled her girls closer to her. My iPhone fell out of my shirt pocket (I have no idea how it stayed in there) but when I picked it up it vibrated telling me I got an email. When swiped it open it was from a production company informing me that they were passing on a screenplay. I then took what I think was my first breath in ten minutes which felt like a kick to the chest but then of course my chest began to untighten, I began to hear the traffic as well as the Spanish from the nice young lady and feel the heat from the pavement beneath me. Then I began to laugh hysterically at the thought of how comically horrible the situation was and how I couldn’t wait to tell it on stage. So this nice young Hispanic lady who stopped on the side of the street to help me and saw the whole ordeal watches me go through all of that and then watches me to proceed to laugh uncontrollably to the point of cackling. Her eyes widened she grabbed her daughters and left this obviously escaped criminally insane mental patient. My iPhone vibrated once more and I looked down at my phone to see another new email from the Writers Guild Foundation saying that I had been accepted into program based upon my potential as a writer. I bowed my head and thanked God for the whole of it and went about my day. Of course I called my mom and family first.

This is currently my favourite awkward plot point in my life story. I don’t want to take this time to tell you to find the silver lining or the lesson that you can learn from every situation bad or good. Because you know that we are taught that at a young age. What I do want to tell you is how important it is to have a game plan. I normally handle anxiety attacks very well obviously this time I didn’t. If you are prescribed medicine stick with it, stay in that regiment and discuss your findings and feelings with your therapist regularly. If for any reason you have to stop taking your mess be prepared to alter your daily life as such if that means slowing your self down to process things then do so. If you need to take beat and allow yourself to acclimate to a situation so you can traverse through it in a more emotionally healthy manner then do so. I normally have a game plan set up for moment of severe depression or anxiety. 

1. Know your warning signs Physically; what do you do how do you feel? Mentally; what do you think what sensations normal do you experience? And Kat but not least Behaviour;   How do you behave, react or what do you do or start to do when an attack comes on.

2. So once I recognise what is happening I go into a turbo mode and quickly get my self to a safe place both literally and metaphorically. I pray for help and guidance as well as safety both emotionally and physically. Then I wait.

3. Then attack and defend. Guard your self with reassuring good and happy thoughts. The best offence  is a good defence attack any thing depressing or downing with rejection and telling your self that you got s lot of things going for you and more than half of them you can’t even see that you are ignorant of. Never allow any thought of “what if” enter your consciousness both bad and good “what if”s are no win scenarios so if you just shut them down instantly you can save your self a great deal of heartache. Remember a thought is just a thought a uncontrollable ‘blah’ it is not a message from God or an alien or any other force. As soon as you start to give a thought, bad or good some elevated position of hierarchy it will have that much more contorll over you and your emotions.

4. Recover. Come down easy. It’s important to breath and know that you are breathing! The awareness or impression rather that you can not breath will only increase your anxiety and crescendo the severity. So breath tell your self it is going to be alright. 

Also as always I’m not a doctor or mental health professional. These are just my findings as a flawed member off humanity.

If you are ever in San Antonio Texas go to Gilberts Mexican Restraunt for both breakfast and lunch. If for breakfast get two tacos (one with Bacon, egg and cheese and one with Country sausage, egg and cheese) if for lunch get the Havi Special with no lettuce …because lettuce is of the devil and you don’t want that in your life… Tell them El Rambo sent you! The Restraunt is in the back of the Strip mall and it’s the best!

8161 Latigo Dr, San Antonio, TX 78227

My intention is that you are able to take away some positivity and help for yourself. However if you feel as though life would be better with out me you can always email me at .

I hope you laughed and maybe learned something. 




5 Steps to getting back up

First of all we all fall in different ways, at different speeds and with different intensities. You might get your feelings hurt when someone forgets something about you, perhaps you hold a certain item or trait at a much higher esteem than another and their flippancy hurts you,  or something that you just knew in your heart of hearts (compared to your heart of lungs?) was a sure thing but didn’t pan out now your life is over… Someone once said “Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.” I tend to agree with the first half of that. We all suffer but some of us to different degrees than others. No matter what the circumstance some times wounds and scars that aren’t visible hurt the absolute worst and cause the most damage. I may be wrong (it’s happened in the past) but I don’t think you can adjust your sensitivity. If you are a person who takes everything to heart then that is a burden you have to learn to deal with if you are a person that can let any old thing roll off of your shoulder then I don’t like you or well I am incredibly envious of you. Also I am not a medical professional by no means and these findings are solely based off of my experiences as a human.

1- Deal with and manage the pain

   This is something that I myself am not good at. I suffer from severe manic depression, anxiety attacks, attention deficit disorder, atelophobia, PTSD, short-term memory loss and synesthesia. But that’s all. I’m a mess and admittedly I can be more than difficult to deal with sometimes because of that. One of the most useful tactics I’ve ever been taught in therapy was having a protocol set up for pain management.

      1 Establish why you are hurting. It is much easier to attack a target and defend against a foe when you know what it is. Once you can clearly identify what is causing you pain (i.e. Britney lied/cheated on/ or was mean/rude to me, I go out of my way for john and he couldn’t help me today, My mom is disappointed in me, Anna ignored me, Lyle does not feel the same way about me as I do for him…) make it as specific as possible. Once you can define your pain and it’s stimulus or stimuli as the case may be you can separate it from your self . Don’t let the pain become your identity. Express the pain but don’t let it become your story. 

      2 Determine a course of action both mentally and physically of what you are going to do to correct this and prevent it from happening again and then do it. Do your best to use this as a learning experience so you can determine what you yourself did that aided in you getting hurt and try to figure out how to ugh not do that again. Self awareness is so important and figuring out your course of action quickly based off of that awareness helps you not  dwell on the cause and to quickly move on to the solution. Goals are so important. Make the decision that this hurts…  I do not want to hurt… I want to do this. Then focus your energy on that thing and not on what’s causing you to hurt. Keep yourself in the present with what caused the pain behind you. Move forward, move on or if nothing else just move away from what it is that causing you to hurt and if you can’t move away geographically, then decide on an action that will fix your environment or the situation.  If you can not figure out how to immediately make your self happy do something that will make some one you care about happy even if it’s something small.  

      3 Again just act don’t dwell on the bad stuff. Once the decision is made get a move on.

3-Forgive the person who hurt you and yourself.

   Forgiveness is a way of tangibly letting the hurt go not a sign of weaknes or inferiority. Forgiving someone is saying good bye to the clutch inside of you and saying hello to the opportunity for joy and happiness to fill the void.  Telling your self it is okay and forgiving yourself will bring you to even higher level of self awareness. If you are like me you are scared to forgive some people because in truth the grudge and/or pain you have because of them is the only link and somehow psychologically we fear the absence of that connection between them. Most important thing to do in forgiving is to loose the role as the blameless victim, take up the responsibility of the rest of your life and move on.

4- Focus on your blessings and lessons

In most of these situations you come out with a new life lesson and a slightly different outlook on life. Maybe you learned who isn’t truly a friend, or that you can not handle certain situations alone, maybe you learned to never mix sleeping pills and laxatives. What ever the case may be use the experience to better yourself, your life and the lives of those around you. Ask yourself what am I grateful for now that I have gone through that. What am I more grateful for now that I have gone through that. What skills and tools do I have now that I went through that and how can I use them.

5-Do your up most to be as happy as possible at all times.

I don’t know if being hurt is a state-of-mind necessarily but it definitely impacts your state-of-mind. As such you should try your hardest to smile as much as you can and help others to do the same.

I suck at math don’t judge me.

I hope that you got something out of this and if not and you feel the need to inform me how horrible of a human I am you can always email me at .

Be happy-